I used to be the girl that spent her amount of time in long-standing relationships. Then one day I got so sick of having my heartbroken, and that i just quit. I quit looking, I quit wondering, and that i quit wanting. For a while that feeling am damn refreshing! There was nobody wondering where I had been, what I was doing, or who I had been talking to. There wasn't any one that could keep me up at night or make me sob myself to sleep. It had been everything I had needed for such a long time.
Then more and more time passed and things started to change. The 6 months off boys converted into annually, and that converted into two. I forgot what it really intended to be with someone or to have somebody ask me how my day was. Every so often a tinge of loneliness would sting through my tough exterior, but not often.
Then I saw you. I honestly couldn't decide if I liked you or not, but for the first time inside a long time, I found myself consumed with thoughts of somebody else. You were unlike anyone I'd ever spent time with before, but maybe which was the best thing. You talked too much and you said exactly what found the mind. You laughed and also you shared your lifetime enjoy it was an open book that you simply wanted me to see. You had been everything I knew nothing about.
Days went by, weeks even, and that i didn't know why you were getting under my skin. I couldn't shake the sensation that despite how different you had been than I had been accustomed to, I desired you within my life. I started to desire the presence of someone else the very first time in what seemed like forever. I wanted someone to ask me how my day went and anyone to prepare dinner beside me. I needed someone to sleep at the end of on the weekends with watching movies all night long. I needed all of these things due to you, and that was terrifying.
The problem with wanting so much so quickly was that it never seemed possible. You had barely entered my world and yet you had shaken it right to the very core. I didn't understand what you wanted, and after such a long time on my own, I did not know how to ask. A whole lot worse, I did not understand what I wanted.
The idea of having someone so close to me again was beyond nerve-wracking and so i pushed the thoughts of you to the back of my thoughts. I woke up every day and shut the idea of us out. Before I knew it, the spark which had lit my curiosity began to fade. It had been then that I remarked that I was no more being alone since i needed some space but because I was petrified of being hurt. It was easier to shut you out of trouble before it even began because the idea of being told which i wasn't enough just one more time might break me.
When life becomes simpler to live on your own simply because you're scared, you know you are no more doing it right. Love is terrifying, but it's even the most rewarding thing there is. I'd lived such a long time forgetting that in order to protect myself, but all I'd managed to do was prevent myself from finding a partner worth falling for.
If you'll need space on your own, take around you need. It's just important to not give up something so beautiful, because when they say “the bigger the risk, the higher the reward.” Study from my mistakes, and know when it's time to put yourself back out there. Someday you will see that everything discomfort was worth it.
