It's “Thirsty Thursday” and that i had just gotten from a 6 hour shift waitressing at an Italian restaurant. Ready to possess a drink, or five, I called certainly one of my girlfriends begging her to be released and have a simple girls night with me. Finally giving in, she told me she'd meet me at the bar soon. Of course, I did not believe that there'd matter waiting in a bar alone for some minutes, especially a bar in the neighborhood I've grown up in and lived within my entire life.
I couldn't have been more wrong.
Walking through the door, on my own, immediately every guy inside a 5 foot radius from the front door looked at me-and not only looked at me, they down and up checked me out; eye-fucked me. I felt like I had been waiting in the spotlight, within my underwear. Brushing off the embarrassment, I walked over to the bar to buy a beer. Immediately, while waiting for my bill, a brief guy inside a too tight t-shirt approached me, calling me every name under the sun except my own. Following the fifth “sweetheart,” I told him I wasn't interested and proceeded just to walk away seeking to see if my pal had arrived.
Not having the ability to find her, I stepped outside for a cigarette and immediately dialed her on my cell phone. Her cab was late, as usual, and she or he was trying her best to get there. Luckily, I've known the bouncer for quite some time and struck up a discussion about his family, friends, etc. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted t-shirt guy approaching me with his friends. He muttered something to 1 of his boys and proceeded in the future my way, again calling me sweetheart, and set his hand on my shoulder. I stepped back. He laughed. He began just to walk towards me again, and this time I put me out to stop him. I possibly could tell he had been beyond wasted.
I only agreed to be not willing to put track of his shit any more.
Sure, it seems harmless that the guy attempted to makeover at a bar. I was a, pretty girl alone in a bar. But, it's not harmless once the same guy followed me outside while I called my pal, proceeded to get too close for personal comfort and then called me a lovely see you next Tuesday when I rejected him for the 20th time your evening. Or when he proceeded to seize my ass in the bar later your evening before his friends attempting to look like a big shot, by which I lost my temper coupled with to actually leave the bar.
This wasn't exactly the first time that I have been nearly harassed while alone at a bar or club. Numerous times throughout my life, my friends have left me to go hook up with a very hot guy or elope after taking one too many shots of tequila and I've been left to fend for myself. Each and every time – and yes I mean every single time – I have been approached by a man who thinks that a woman alone is a tell-tale sign that they'll score.
As a woman, it's as if I must fear the days where I'll be alone for any split second, especially during the night and especially around men. Whenever I go anywhere, my mother's priority is who am I going there with. Why should I have to feel uncomfortable within my solidarity because of the way men act towards a lady alone? As if I'm more vulnerable and easier to seduce if I'm riding solo?
Absolutely not.
Women will always be being told to become careful about where they go and who they go with. A high level woman and you go to a bar, you have to always hold onto your drink in case someone tries to slip something inside. Before you leave, factors to consider that your outfit isn't “too revealing,” or giving anyone “the wrong idea.” Fuck that.
The the fact is, men have everything wrong. A guy who tries too hard because they feel I'm weak on my own and push themselves onto me will never be the person who comes back home with me, fuck he won't even be the person who lands my number. It's such as the age-old story from the “cat call.” Ask one woman walking down the street if they actually enjoy getting catcalled, and they will tell you “absolutely not.” Women don't wish to be viewed as objects and particularly weak objects. If your woman is strong enough to enter a bar alone, that stands for something. It isn't that she's vulnerable, no. It's that she's strong and independent. She doesn't have to fall back on one to protect her and have a great time. She'll function as the first one to also pour her drink you the moment she's disrespected.
